Ditched

I'm depressed, I'm being ditched. Lois, who is my best mate, who I love her to bits is leaving Monday to spend a year working in New York. According to her mum, we're getting married but I'm not sure when yet. Probably in about 20 years if I've grown up enough then.

Which is so cool and she has a great job that's going to fly her all over America when she's not in her office overlooking the Chrysler Building in Manhattan. I am really so happy for her and was so excited when she got the job, I stopped thinking about myself for the first time ever. However, I've only just realised that means I don't get to see her for a while, so I need to move to Nova Scotia quick so I can have some weekend trips down to the Big Apple.

If you haven't met Lois, you should check out her blog that she's gonna use to keep us posted on life in the states. However, be warned, she is rubbish at computers and not very funny or entertaining so I have very low expectations for this site. However, I have now done my duty of advertising it.

Anyway, you may have met Lois when she came with the Trott to visit me in Canada last year. Here they are next to one of the Cole Hobson signs.


And buying underwear in Dublin.


And this one is special because its about the only one of me and Lois I have on my computer that doesn't involve us playing strip poker - seriously.


Well all I wanted to get across is that a big part of my life is deserting us to go and live with the stupidest, loudest people in the world. I guess you'll fit in fine then twat-head! No, I'm going to stop calling Lois twat-head, and loser and telling her she's still living in the 1950s. Well, I'll try. I'll try to be nice from now on, you make a fantastic bacon butty tea, you make me look tall, you let me beat the crap out of you when we do boxing at fitness and......uhm, maybe that's it.

Have a great trip Lois, I'll see you soon!!!

Cash in Hand

I must send my congratulations to Whisky Dan for his recent bouts of good news. First, it is great to hear that he and Laura are getting their own Vlog site together. Aww, that is such a huge step in a relationship and shows unbelievable signs of commitment that I'm sure I could never display.

And secondly, I hear Dan has been asked to give his services as official photographer for two weddings. Well, I can assure the happy couples that Dan is a complete geek when it comes to photography, no-one can compete with his levels of nerdishness for cameras. But it is a great little thing to have on the side, I seriously would love to have someone pay me to do something I really enjoy doing like he does. And it means he will not have any excuses to go out for a few beers once I get back to Nova Scotia.

Anyway, as a kind of inspiration or gauntlet (depends if you followed my advice on being pessimistic), here are some photos I received this past week. They are the official snaps from Doctah's and Jane's wedding down under.




In total, I was sent 393 photos from the day, and they are amazing despite most of them being staged. I must apologise to the Bigelows for personally not looking or not smiling in most of the photos I was in. The reason was that the photographer was snapping a hundred photos a second and most people decided to try and look as beautiful as possible in every one. However, me, being a celebrity, decided to do what I always do walking down the high street and ignored the cameras as much as possible, assuming the ones I did bother with would look alright. I think my ploy worked and there were some nice ones. But seriously, how incredible do these shots look? It just reminds me of what an unbelievably perfect day their wedding was and makes me all nostalgic, wanting to go back again.

This is my favourite, it's like a model shot but they are a cute couple.

I sense another TV show cross-over

Well I haven't been in touch for a little bit. The reason being I was busy busting Dublin up. Once I remember what happened in the last week and get some photos, I will reveal more details. It was fun though, I think.

Anyway, last night was a historic episode of the Simpsons here. However, I was not looking forward to it. The reason being Ricky Gervais, the joint-creator of The Office had written the episode, resulting in an explosion of advertising all over the TV this week. This is Ricky Gervais as David Brent in The Office.


Now I love The Office, love it. It's incredibly original and the humour very satirical and suttle. Brilliant. However, I am not a huge fan of Ricky Gervais as he comes across as actually being David Brent in every interview he does. And I have one of his stand-up DVDs, which I have seen once and doubt if I ever see it again, something about swearing and animals so is not funny.

And again, in the Simpsons, he appeared, as this one character. If I wanted to see a TV show starring David Brent I would watch The Office, not the Simpsons. And the script was shit. And I only laughed once, but I can't remember at what. This worries me that the Simpsons Movie may be a huge let down next year, although no doubt no-one else will be wary, only get hysterical as we saw this week. Seriously people, calm down.

This kind of excitement before the event is something I have noticed in Americans and I hope it's not spreading. Watch a chat show or something with a guest celebrity on an American channel. A hell of a lot of the time the audience spends the first five minutes whooping, cheering and giving a standing ovation to the guest. Then they given their performance on said TV show. The worst is Inside the Actors Studio at some NY University, they do it every time. It's almost as if they have won the audience just by turning up. I realise they must have done something special to be invited onto such shows but they are asked on to do something, not to be applauded for what they have done before.

However, what is usually the case here is the guest (and also stand-up comedians/musicians when performing live) gets a relatively brief round of applause, then they have to impress. Only if they impress the audience afterwards do they get a standing ovation, and only then. And not always. And I much prefer that, stars being appreciated when they perform, not before, or their egos may get carried away or they become complacent. I enjoy much more when someone is firstly challenged and then secondly rises above the challenge, its much more rewarding.

And that is why I hope people don't get carried away by this new Simpsons Movie, like they did for the Ricky Gervais episode. Isn't it much better to be sceptical and proved spectacularly wrong than to simply have your expectations met? Just wait and see, before you judge this thing. Be pessimistic, try it. Maybe you'll appreciate the pleasant surprises in life more and experience fewer let-downs. Or maybe that's just me.

Sorry for going on and on, rant over.

Immortality

Now, have a pen and paper ready to write this lot down. I have been shown the ultimate, perfect, most successful pulling technique. You, like me, could become irresistable to women, well apart from Dan perhaps.

In fact, all you need is a pen and paper, but also relatively good looks and the ability to dance. Here's what you do:

Take one sticky heart-shaped pink post-it note. (see below)


Take one ball point pen or biro. (see below)


Now, write an amusing and not too pushy message using said pen onto said post-it note. Previous examples include "you're pretty," "I like your bracelet" and "my friend in the blue top likes you."

Take said message and stick it onto the ARM, that's ARM of the target, I mean girl and walk away but not too far. Either her or her friends will read the note, laugh and put it onto her breast (every girl, every time). You have now broken the ice, can ask for a dance or smile or whatever, but most likely SHE will come over to YOU to talk about the imaginitive and original move you have just made. And that's where you turn on the charm. Unfortunately Dub, I can't teach you this next bit, you're on your own son.

And that's the trick. My friends and I had a 3 out of 3 success rate last night in Cardiff. I say success, I mean the girls came over to chat but we weren't interested, they were just showing me this new technique they worked on holiday, for a laugh. Don't get me wrong, I thought girls wouldn't like it as it seems too rehearsed (and don't do it to more than one girl in the same group!) but if you're not too serious or slimy, it's effective.

Now, you have probably until the rest of the day before I have bought all the pink heart-shaped post-it notes Staples has, act quickly.

PS. there's a drink for the first person to go out with Cole and put a note on a guy saying Cole likes him! Good hunting!

Welcome to the Jungle

Mum & Dad are in Prague this week, Bethan's in Birmingham, party at mine, come on over whenever. We can also play some playstation as Ga has finally bought a new tv so you can actually see what's going on now. Unfortunately, it now means I am invincible on Pro Evo, but it does mean we can watch the world cup on HD this summer, woo hoo! Just make sure you come over before next week as then I'll be away. Dublin baby!!

Australia Sucks

Here's a tip - never go to Australia, what a bunch of fussy, whiny, mean little people live there. They pick up on every tiny, little, insignificant thing, which is pathetic really.

Here are some examples:

- Richard having the nerve to beat me at snooker.
- Aussie girls (Olivia, Jane) don't argue when I offer to pay for their meals out.
- Some idiot on a plane not switching his phone off so we had to go back to the - terminal for him to be booted off.
- All those kids down the beach with their six packs putting me and Nate to shame.
- Sydney casino taking all my money and giving it to Cassie.
- Sydney golf course hiding all my golf balls from me.
- The sand being too hot to walk on.
- Beer is too expensive.

I'm sure there are more, but I can't think of any now. Oh and here's another tip, never listen to any of Doctah J's brilliant ideas. "Hire a car" he says. "It'll be fun, we can go on road trips" he says. Yeah, whatever.

I had a letter this morning. From Brisbane. Brisbane? I don't know anyone from Brisbane. Looks kind of official? I don't do anything official. (just ask my friends at the tax office where I'm in trouble again!!)

Apparently, you're not allowed to drive hire cars at 79 in a 60 zone in Charters Towers. Well no-one told me!!!! Bang, there goes $150 and 3 points on my license. I blame Doctah. However, they did say I could request a court hearing if I want. Yeah, if they'll pay for the flight I say! One of the boys at soccer tonight said could I request a court hearing but say I'm a poor student and can't afford the flight. Maybe they'll drop it or pay for the flight that way?!? Tempting, but no, I can't mess around with the courts. I don't want to get banned from Australia, it's alright really!

Well that was a shock, I tell you. Really, it was 3 months ago, get over it. What really happened I'm sure, is that the speed drops when you leave the highway from 120 to 100 to 80 to 60 and I didn't know it had dropped from 80 to 60 - beware the speed limit on roads you don't know!! After all, I passed my test 6 years ago and honestly stick to the limits here like glue and have therefore never been busted. Yeah, it takes me 2 days in Australia though!

But I don't feel guilty cos I didn't do it deliberately, I'm sure. Shit happens, I'll just learn from it. However, if you would like to help me out with the $150, it would be greatly appreciated. Send $1 to 'Happy Dude' at 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. And I've had a good last few days, anyway.

Sunday, I went with my brother to see a British comedian called Paddy McGuiness in Cardiff. He was brilliant, loved it, great night out. And Monday, I saw the new Sarah Jessica Parker (don't ask) movie. Which was better than I thought it was. But in one seen this guy is sitting with his mate, feet up, by a boat drinking the same cans of Bud I do in Canada. We don't get those cans here and it made me excited for when we get to chill, have a cold one or two and put the world to right come autumn, Dan. I think we owe each other some of that. And then I was listening to Andy Williams' Can't Take My Eyes off You, which is the song Igor and I do a brilliant rendition of. How bout we all go for a beer, put our feet up and have a sing-along. I'm excited for Canada again. MJ, will you wait on us in a bikini?

Ok gang, don't forget those cheques, talk to you soon!!