Australia Sucks

Here's a tip - never go to Australia, what a bunch of fussy, whiny, mean little people live there. They pick up on every tiny, little, insignificant thing, which is pathetic really.

Here are some examples:

- Richard having the nerve to beat me at snooker.
- Aussie girls (Olivia, Jane) don't argue when I offer to pay for their meals out.
- Some idiot on a plane not switching his phone off so we had to go back to the - terminal for him to be booted off.
- All those kids down the beach with their six packs putting me and Nate to shame.
- Sydney casino taking all my money and giving it to Cassie.
- Sydney golf course hiding all my golf balls from me.
- The sand being too hot to walk on.
- Beer is too expensive.

I'm sure there are more, but I can't think of any now. Oh and here's another tip, never listen to any of Doctah J's brilliant ideas. "Hire a car" he says. "It'll be fun, we can go on road trips" he says. Yeah, whatever.

I had a letter this morning. From Brisbane. Brisbane? I don't know anyone from Brisbane. Looks kind of official? I don't do anything official. (just ask my friends at the tax office where I'm in trouble again!!)

Apparently, you're not allowed to drive hire cars at 79 in a 60 zone in Charters Towers. Well no-one told me!!!! Bang, there goes $150 and 3 points on my license. I blame Doctah. However, they did say I could request a court hearing if I want. Yeah, if they'll pay for the flight I say! One of the boys at soccer tonight said could I request a court hearing but say I'm a poor student and can't afford the flight. Maybe they'll drop it or pay for the flight that way?!? Tempting, but no, I can't mess around with the courts. I don't want to get banned from Australia, it's alright really!

Well that was a shock, I tell you. Really, it was 3 months ago, get over it. What really happened I'm sure, is that the speed drops when you leave the highway from 120 to 100 to 80 to 60 and I didn't know it had dropped from 80 to 60 - beware the speed limit on roads you don't know!! After all, I passed my test 6 years ago and honestly stick to the limits here like glue and have therefore never been busted. Yeah, it takes me 2 days in Australia though!

But I don't feel guilty cos I didn't do it deliberately, I'm sure. Shit happens, I'll just learn from it. However, if you would like to help me out with the $150, it would be greatly appreciated. Send $1 to 'Happy Dude' at 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. And I've had a good last few days, anyway.

Sunday, I went with my brother to see a British comedian called Paddy McGuiness in Cardiff. He was brilliant, loved it, great night out. And Monday, I saw the new Sarah Jessica Parker (don't ask) movie. Which was better than I thought it was. But in one seen this guy is sitting with his mate, feet up, by a boat drinking the same cans of Bud I do in Canada. We don't get those cans here and it made me excited for when we get to chill, have a cold one or two and put the world to right come autumn, Dan. I think we owe each other some of that. And then I was listening to Andy Williams' Can't Take My Eyes off You, which is the song Igor and I do a brilliant rendition of. How bout we all go for a beer, put our feet up and have a sing-along. I'm excited for Canada again. MJ, will you wait on us in a bikini?

Ok gang, don't forget those cheques, talk to you soon!!