Football Tour way better than Cranium Parties

Honestly, who'd wanna play Cranium on a Saturday night or take a Manhattan cruise when you and seventeen other hooligans can spend the weekend trashing Butlins in Minehead. Yeah that's right, you missed out big time losers!

Obviously what goes on tour stays on tour so for that and other legal reasons, I cannot give too much detail about what happened over the last 72 hours. However, I will list some brief descriptions of the most noteworthy events, some of which I may have personally played some or no part in.

- Booze
- Drugs
- Gambling
- Professional wrestlers benchpressing guys against the ceiling and dropping them
- 6 girls rejecting the chance to earn £20 by making out with one of the guys on the team
- Bread fighting
- Running after cars of girls down the main road
- Rugby tackling each other into rubbish bins
- Trolley racing around camp
- Stealing patio furniture from around the camp
- Watches being stolen from off someone's wrist
- Taking a girl back to a room, texting another boy to hide under the bed and scare the shit out of her when she got back from the bathroom
- Bursting in on two people cavorting to throw ketchup packets, one hitting the random girl square on the forehead
- Playing 2 official matches when drunk
- Walking to Tesco to find they have no cafe
- Taking 15 minutes to drive the 2 minutes to the pitch
- Tipping anyone who went to bed before 3am out
- Deciding the best way to gain the attention of the girl opposite was to walk out butt naked for introductions
- Kegging
- Injuring a knee whilst playing football Sunday morning but deciding to 'run it off' for the next hour and spending Monday morning in the hospital (see below)


No, it's not broken but I have to be a cripple for 2 weeks and be waited on whilst I watch TV. Ooh, the cricket's on!